-Merry Christmas, baby-

-to think of you-

this song has been a favorite of mine for a long time. its been hitting me all over again lately. "to think of you is to treasure an absent memory" by Zao. i think 1:50 to 2:20 will always give me the chills.



"when you closed your eyes,
and you fell asleep...

dark clouds descended
on the faith of the ones who held you
close to their hearts.

my heart broke.
my heart broke open..."

-yearly update-

ok. so i just got an email from google telling me that my rights to www.iampabloeh.com are about to expire if i dont fork out another 10 bucks. god forbid all 3 of you have to go back to adding the .blogspot to the end of this address. every year when i get this email i realize its been a month or so since ive posted anything and i wonder why im spending the 10 bucks a year to hold this address, but then i remember my 3 regular readers. and like i said already, god forbid... :)

so- winter has kicked in here in the last couple days. an inch or so of snow and single digit temperatures in the morning. i have nothing good to say about this. everything i want to say involves yelling and the f word...and yelling of the f word. so i will stay silent about it. for now.

chloes birthday is coming up again. she is turning 5. holy crap is all i can say about that. 2 out of 3 of you have already been invited. number 3- you live too far away to make it anyway. so no invite for you. if you want to come and i didnt invite you for whatever reason, please let me know and i will give you the details. but seriously, chloes turning 5 already?! apparently entitlement issues begin just before 5, because chloe feels that everyone owes her...and she wants it all NOW. its cute sometimes. other times it makes me wanna bash my head into a wall. which is also...cute. also if youre coming to chloes party...there is swimming involved. for those of you who are worried, i did wax my bikini zone this year so there will be less terror this year than last year. thank god, right?

hmmm. how much to say about this one? without dropping names here (god forbid i jinx this thing with blog name dropping)...i am feeling very loved, very supported and very appreciated lately. and "ahhhhh" is about all i can say about that. sometimes a female version of me comes along and makes me realize that being near someone can be the best thing in life. so thank you to a certain nameless (probably imaginary???) female version of me. after quite a few surprises that have made me feel pretty cursed, its great to have a surprise or 2 thrown at me that make me feel lucky.

and yeah- for the 1st time in years i feel like im feeling (or starting to feel) again. in some ways its a great thing. in other ways its kinda scary. my guard is down a bit. im a little more vulnerable. so- backing up to chloes entitlement issues. the other night she was acting up. just not listening. talking back. you know, being fun. it finally got to the point where she just needed to go and lay down in bed for a bit. i announced this to her and took my 1st step towards her. she blurts out, "i hate you. youre always mean to me. i dont wanna live with you anymore." i was literally knocked backwards. i just kinda fell back onto the couch and sat down in a heap. i was already having a bad day that day. i was already feeling a little hurt. but my god...that just floored me. she has never before said something like that to me. nothing even close to that. i realize now that its probably the 1st of many stabs she'll take at me while angry. and im going to have to get to the point where it doesnt bug me...or at least she thinks it doesnt bug me, but for that moment, my heart broke. it was the most hurt i have felt in years. woo hoo for feeling again! ??? :)

ok. there it is. an update of sorts. i makes no promises as far as regular updates go. life is just keeping me busy as usual. but for another year...you can find me at this address.