-stories to tell-

today is friday. today is friday. friday fish...yeah i still cant remember all of Mr Harveys song.

short story numero uno:

im driving on highway 14 today. between new ulm and sleepy eye heading towards new ulm. coming the other way is a garbage truck driven by what appears to be a pretty old man. following the garbage truck is a semi...and he is being an ass. hes riding the butt of the garbage truck. and i mean close. dangerously close. hes flashing his lights, his brights, his hazards. hes honking the airhorn. hes pumping his fist. so as i drive by i did the mature thing and yelled at the semi driver and gave him the finger. cause as far as i can tell, the garbage truck was just going too slow for the semi...so he was being an ass trying to get the poor old guy to move. (and yes, i do realize that the semi driver could not hear me yelling at him.) so, i keep driving. and im mad. it took me awhile to settle down about this. seriously, who does that? i get about 5 or so miles down the road and get this...theres a dumpster in the middle of the road. my guess is that its not supposed to be there. in fact it appears, based on its condition, that it may or may not have fallen off a...of i dunno, a garbage truck and maybe, just maybe, it might have been struck my a semi. so...mr semi driver may have been a little bit justified in trying to get little mr garbage truck to pull over. sorry about that whole middle finger thing!

short story numero dos:

wednesday. im in arlington for the 2nd time in two days due to a certain store employees mess up. i wont mention names. anyways...im in arlington. its like 12:01 PM and i am starving. so i decide im going to go to the ONE place that arlington has to eat...subway! Mmmm. subway. i walk in and find a line of literally about 15 people. i get in line and wait a long time. the 2 women working are working their butts off. they are obviously stressed already. it gets to the point where i am 3rd in line. one woman (2 spots ahead of me- lets call her Sally for the sake of the story) has almost completed her sandwich. shes just choosing her toppings. another woman (one spot in front of me. we'll call her Rhonda for the sake of this story) has just begun her sandwich making experience here at the magical land known as subway. i am waiting patiently to make my selection. everyone clear on the scene? another important point to make...the line behind me...still huge. maybe getting closer to 20 people. apparantly the entire population of arlington goes to subway for lunch.

ok...heres where it gets fun. remember Sally? well...some people walk in who seem to know Sally. and they dont seem to care that shes first in line with 20 people behind her. they are going to talk to her...and theyre going to do it NOW. god forbid they wait a minute...anyways...so they start to talk. remember Rhonda? she doesnt know ANY of these people but shes going to turn and STARE at them from a foot away as they talk. and i mean STARE. the rest of the world has apparantly gone away in Rhondas mind. so when the nice subway employee asks "what kind of cheese would you like?" Rhonda doesnt even realize shes being talked to. "excuse me, ma'am? what kind of cheese would you like?". i look at Rhonda...i can almost hear the breeze blowing. no idea shes being talked to. honestly its like she has no clue where she is. one more try from the nice subway employee. "ma'am? ma'am? cheese? ma'am". im standing close to rhonda. i say "excuse me...excuse me." she is LOCKED in a blank stare at this conversation thats going on. so subway employee gives up, walks up to the cash register and gets someone out the door. a few seconds later the other nice subway employee comes back to rhondas sandwich and picks it up to toast it. this gets rhondas attention. rhonda is not happy about this. "excuse me, but do i not get cheese on that? dont you usually offer cheese?". subway lady says "oh...im sorry i didnt realize she (other subway lady) hadnt put cheese on it yet"...rhonda is disgusted. "i cant believe you didnt even ask. who gets a sandwich without cheese?" you know that noise people make when theyre disgusted? rhonda made that more then a few times. she also rolled her eyes. i decided then, that i had no interest in befriending this...rhonda. rhonda finally makes it up to the register and begins ripping on the woman who originally helped her. and this friendly subway employee didnt know what to say. so she just stood there...and said nothing. she just turned red. finally i say "excuse me...she asked you 3 times what kind of cheese you wanted. but you were busy listening in on their conversation. so you didnt hear." i said it as nicely as something like that can be said. she rolls her eyes at me...makes that awesome disgusted sound...and says "oh no she did not ask me"...and another roll of the eyes...another disgusted sound...and a death look at the subway employee. so now im mad. poor subway lady. i say "i sat and watched her ask you three times if you wanted cheese...and you just stood there staring...theres 20 people in line...so she went to take care of people who were paying attention."... at this point i am called rude...and various other names...to which i reply "yeah, youre right...you are the center of the unniverse. im sorry."

seriously...how can you be that rude? better question...how can you be that blind to the fact that youre that rude?

more to come.