-so very old-

it is saturday evening. i am now looking at the clock trying to figure out how much longer i have to stay awake in order to be in bed at an acceptable time. im thinking 2 more hours. 8:15 is a good bed time on a saturday night, right? right?

i went out with some friends last night. some other friends and their bands played at the whats up. so we went. did the bar thing. drank too much too quick. overall the night was a blast though. i ran into a whole bunch of people that i dont get to see enough (if at all) anymore. some people there last night i hadnt seen in 5 or 6 years. crazy. there were lots of hugs and "how have you been"s. and lots of people buying other people drinks. which led to me going to bed VERY late. it must have been about 3 am by the time i laid down. i am NOT used to that anymore. my internal alarm clock decided to wake me up at about 5:30. sadly i was still feeling a bit tipsy at that time...but i managed to go back to sleep until 11. Mmmmm, sleeping in. what a STRANGE night of dreams i had.

anyways...at 11. i made some calls...tracked down my jeep. got it back and drove up to new prague to get chloe. whom i was missing soooo much. i NEED to get over this, but i can not go out for a night and leave her somewhere without feeling guilty about it. i sit and wonder how shes doing, if shes yelling "i want my daddy"...etc. so many of the people there last night are parents too and they all seem to be having a blast without worry. i had a blast, but NOT without worry. i hang out with a few people who are single parents and they still manage to get out alone once or twice a week. i dunno. last night, i just really realized that i miss my time with my friends. it seriously was sad to see people i used to know well...and to have them say "paul! i havent seen you in....years." has it seriously been years? wow. long story short...i want to get out more. BUT..i love my time at home too...or out and about with the kids.

an update on grandma rosie. round one of chemo is finished. today and tomorrow are kinda the high risk days as far as side effects kicking in. i stopped in to see her today and she was doing GREAT. shes happy. shes excited about chemo...she wants to be a "survivor"...so shes pumped. its cool to see. 2 more rounds in the next 2 weeks and then she gets a break. i hope she can keep this energy level and positive attitude up the entire way through this process. strangely...she is going through chemo...treatment for a cancer that would otherwise kill her...and this, today, is the best mood ive seen her in...possibly ever. way to go grandma. im very proud of you right now.

something is going on with my feet and lower back today. its weird. i never have back or feet issues. but today, i can barely walk. my feet are in a ton of pain. i dont have any idea whats going on. i must be walking differently to compensate and that seems to be causing pain in my lower back. all this my friends is proof of one thing...i am turning into an old man. one night out with my friends and my body is angry with me.