-from faith to funny-

the doctors found a lump in my grandmas breast a couple weeks ago. weve been waiting ever since then to find out exactly what that means. we finally found out yesterday. and as my grandpa said "its not good news". it is cancer. so now what? we wait again to find out what that means. her kidneys are dangerously close to failure, and have been for some time. so weve known for a bit that its "a matter a time". and now cancer. the good news is they think it was found early, and they dont think its in her blood. so, maybe surgery will take care of it. she has another appointment on the 19th of november. "hey...you have cancer...wait a few weeks to find out what that means." ok, thanks doctors. i found out yesterday not too long after getting home from work, so chloe and i drove over to peterland to see her. just before leaving grandma hugged me and said "god can heal me, you guys just all need to pray a lot"...so, your prayers would be appreciated, if you could.

anyways...i was exhausted last night. i was ready to just crash by about 9. so...i got myself and chloe ready for bed but quickly realized she was not tired and not about to go to sleep. so i told her to come lay down with me. she did. i put in a simpons dvd, selected "play all episodes" and set the sleep timer on the tv for 90 minutes. i figured she would watch and episode or 2 and fall asleep long before the tv turned off. i must have fallen asleep in about 5 minutes. i woke up at about 12:30 am in a daze. (if i am woken up in the middle of the night...i am OUT OF IT. really bad) anyways, its 12:30, chloe is sitting on the edge of the bed still watching the simpsons. shes not even laying down! i told her it was time for bed, reached for the remote and tried to turn the tv off. nothing. i pushed the power button again...nothing. i ask "what did you do to the remote?" she giggles. i ask again. she shows me her hand...with 2 double A batteries in it. seriously, she is too smart.

-song of the week-

-FALLEN-

yesterdays are numbered

in many ways we could see the fall coming

but lull prolonged,

some will never belong

so children age into prisons

they establish shame with their poor inheritance

they build covert roads

some become addiction

suspicion, in position

yeah it's bound to happen

i guess i thought you were going to be around

going to be rewound

but you were honest

i know you did the best one can

fallen

people speak of demons

they simplify the life that haunted you my friend

they rationalize trouble-free hypothesis

he's broken, too damaged, but bravely profound

i guess i thought you were going to astound

going to stand your ground

but you were full of pride

i know it killed you to fail them

fallen

hey, dog boy

the whistmas souls would deploy

you needed them, believed in them

it's better to pretend

i guess i thought it was your rising

your long drawn out win

cause you were on it

i know you did the best one can

i thought you'd be around

i thought you'd be rewound

but everyone succumbs to sound

we are all fallen

-lagwagon-

-puffy (now with corrected links!)

since i drive for a living i listen to a lot of music, and a lot of radio. mainly KFAN. (MN sports radio) ive been listening to PA and Dubay ever since they started on KFAN back in the late 90's. i knew Dubay had been through a really rough run over the last couple years, but didnt suspect for a minute that he was into drugs. weird. heres the news story. this guy has been through too much. hes basically lost everything in the last 2 years. his wife left with everything...hes been in a ton of debt...and now hes done this to himself. im honestly worried about his well being at this point. prayers and thoughts to jeff dubay.

and heres (link corrected- sorry, im an idiot) the type of story i am frickin sick of hearing about. 3 guys follow a girl at valleyscare (valleyfair around halloween)...ask for her number. she says no...so they beat the crap out of her and attempt to rape her. what the hell is wrong with boys? she said no...just walk away. the good news from this story: strangers actually stepped in and stopped the assault. theres been far too many stories lately where other people have done nothing to help. hopefully more people will start standing up to this crap. people like this, these boys, need to be locked up for life. im so sick of reading stories like this.

today...i cleaned the house. cleaned the jeep. ran to the mall for a bit. went to schietels for guitar strings. restrung my acoustic. thought about restringing my electric, but quickly changed my mind on that one. made a walmart run. i was looking forward to watching game 3 of the world series tonight. wouldnt you know it, a rain delay! woo hoo. what to do, what to do?

oh...and a ps. i am the proud owner of a brand spankin new washing machine. thats right kids. the tub on the old one started to leak all over my basement. friends, why wouldnt it? so...430 bucks for a new one. which i was of course thrilled to spend on such things. what else would i rather do with my hard earned money? well...i show up for work anyway. ok, ok...i usually show up for work. more often then not anyway. in all seriousness though i was really impressed with meyer and sons. i walked in there at about 3:30 on friday afternoon and they had it to my house by 4...on friday afternoon. set up and ready to go. im gonna have a washing machine warming party at my house. we'll all just sit around and talk machines a little bit. you know. tumbling and all. rinse cycle. gosh, its gonna be a blast. no neelys though. neelys and new washing machines are a terrible combination.

-huh-

ok, crazy lady!

-spider-

this is a spider feeding on a bird. if i lived where these spiders lived, i would never go outside.

-2 things-

my grandma gave me a picture tonight. my grandpa must have taken it on our last seattle trip. my cousin and i by the ocean...and ive decided i love the picture.

she gave me another picture too. she thought it was a good one. when was my beard ever that bushy? my beard was in serious need of a trim, and i really needed a haircut...my head looks twice as big as it really is. funny.

thats all i got for tonight.

-an overdue update-

i havent been in a blogging mood lately. i have a whole bunch to say, but not the time or energy to type it all out. typing is too much work, ive decided. so heres the highlights from this past week.

-chloe is set on 2 things: going to school and getting married. one day she stood outside with her backpack on "waiting for the bus"...another day she demanded over and over again that i give her a ride to her wedding party so her "boyfriend wont be mad".

-people who drive while talking on their cellphones are just as dangerous as people who drive drunk. seriously. the things ive seen this week are unbelievable. one girl was driving at night with her headlights off and almost got hit, but didnt notice cause she was on her phone...so i flashed my lights at her to help her out a little bit...but she didnt notice because she was on her frickin phone. another woman was smoking with one hand, holding her phone to her ear with the other and steering with her chest, all at 70 MPH. she almost ran another car off the road and didnt even notice...all because she was on her phone. it seriously amazes me that more people arent killed every day by these idiotic things i am seeing every day of the week. cell phones aside people just become jerks when they drive.

-so the economy looks pretty good huh?

-softball is done. here i sit getting fat. well, fatter.

-professional athletes are a$$holes. click here to see one story. its a story about larry johnson of the KC chiefs. hes been charged with assaulting a woman, his 4th such charge in the last 5 years. long story short on the most recent one. he hits on a girl at a club. she turns him down and says "i have a boyfriend"...(relationship loyalty? what?!) he basically says "dont you know who i am?", and then spits on her AND threatens to kill her boyfriend. real nice, you arrogant, spoiled little boy. to top it off his body guards tackle HER and then he follows her out to her car spitting on her the entire way. i love sports...but i am sick of the money. sick of the business, and beyond sick of the giant egos these guys carry around. i honestly feel like the entire world needs to stop idolizing athletes, actors, musicians, etc. its seriously out of control.

-can you imagine if bush could be president for another 4 years? would there even be anything left of this country?

-my world view is not at an all time high right now. not sure if you caught on to that yet.

-mankato used to be a great town to find hard to find music. woo hoo for mankato. mankato is now a terrible town in which to find hard to find music. im batting 0 for 2 this week alone. boo to mankato. (a note to tune town...i would really like to support you. i will buy my music there even if it costs me a couple extra bucks, all in the name of supporting the local guy. but if you dont have what i want, i have to go elsewhere.)

-accountibility: the quality or state of being accountable ; especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions.

-i miss seattle + i need a vacation = i should really try to get to seattle next summer.

-i am DREADING winter. today was rainy and in the 40's and i already hated it.

-tuesday afternoon-

i got about 3 or 4 hours of sleep on sunday night. chloe just was not going to go to bed. she was running around, jumping on the beds, turning tvs on and off and showing no signs at all of being tired. finally at about 1:30 i was out...until my alarm woke me up at 4:30 am. i of course hit snooze a few times, but it just wasnt enough. so i had fancy plans all day yesterday of getting to bed nice and early. and i did. i must have been asleep by 9:30 at the latest. chloe was out before 9, which was nice. besides being over tired, i felt pretty good when i went to bed.

this morning. i woke up at about 5:30...got dressed. had a little breakfast and went into work. felt pretty decent. i got about half way through loading my truck and my head started to spin a little bit...then the queasy feeling in the stomach and then the taste in my throat. oh good...im going to throw up. and sure enough i did. so, i am home. 12:34 in the afternoon and im home. (sing it billy joel style...ahhh one...ahhhh two....ahhh one, two, three, fourrr) this is the new rule for ALL of you. if you look at the clock and its 12:34 you MUST sing it out as loud as you can billy joel style. no matter where you are, no matter who youre with...it must be done. videos of you obeying this rule in hilarious circumstances can be sent to pabloeh@iampabloeh.com

so, i get an unexpected day off of work. which you would think would be a good thing. but, i am already bored and sick of sitting in front of the tv and/or computer. so my plan is to rest up a little bit today and then get back at it tomorrow.

yesterday i was listening to sports radio, as i often do during my work day. a strange commercial came on. it just started out by talking about the economy, natural disasters, crime, etc. the good news of the world i guess. it asked if i/we found all this news scary and unsettling? it then went on to say that "one is coming" who will bring peace and hope. it gave a web address, and that was it. it was a really strange commercial, especially for sports radio. it must have got my attention though, cause i came home and remembered the address. strange stuff. check it out here. it just kinda reinforced my theory that the world is getting weirder every day.

-it ends-

no more softball for paul in 2008. and yes...i am bummed. the last 2 games of the fallball season were played last night. we won the 1st and lost the 2nd. once again phil was the extra inning hero. he hit a walk-off 3 run homer in the 1st extra frame to end it in dramatic fashion. i couldnt be more proud of the kid. 2 HUGE home runs in 2 weeks! i thanked him by posting "wind beneath my wings" by bette midler on his myspace page.

my uncle rick has been hitting really well lately too, which is really fun for me to watch. i got out once last night. it was a 9 for 10 evening. so...these last 2 weeks ive been 20 for 22, with 3 homeruns. which feels like a pretty decent way to end the season. i am really going to miss playing though. i hate the end of the season.


the weekend has come. woo hoo. my cousin sarah is having a house warming party on sunday. congrats to her and her husband oscar on the new house. so, my plan is to attend that, but other then that i dont really have anything planned. its been a long, tiring week so i really dont want to do to much. i just need some rest. (and some time away from all the f#%king drama people create by living their lives like idiots and then blaming their problems on everyone else.) oh and a ps here...if the vikings lose to the lions this weekend, no more football for me, ever. and i mean it.

-oh...oh no-

-no news- (warning: graphic. maybe a skipper?)

ive always been a news watcher/reader. i like to know whats going on in the world, whether it be good or bad. ive always thought that its impossible to make a difference in the world if you dont even know whats going on in it.

anyways, it may just be me...but it seems like the news is generally bad lately. and at times it seems nightmarish. and to be honest with you, it started to get to me for awhile. so for a month or so i cut way down on keeping up. i have enough to handle in my home, and at work, etc...so i need to concentrate on what i can control. i dunno, i guess my reasonings for keeping up, or not keeping up are irrelevant...the point is this: i used to keep up. then for a month, i stopped. now over the last week or so, im keeping up again.

last night i was reading the news online and i came across a story that made me sick to my stomach. i had to just close the browser and go to bed. i did my best to just forget about it, but i just cant. i looked around for it again today so i could link to it, but i had no luck finding it. i dont even remember where it happened...

i guess a man in some state was just put to death for sexual assault and murder. sadly thats a pretty common headline. i read the entire story about the crime though. apparently he car jacked a woman who was riding in her vehicle with her 2 daughters in the backseat. he made her drive to a isolated location where he raped her at gunpoint...while her kids sat in the back seat and screamed. after the assault he shot the woman multiple times, threw her in the ditch and left her for dead. (but, she did not die) as he drove away the womans daughters yelled for their mommy...so he shot both of them in the face. they both died.

this woman was raped at gunpoint, shot multiple times, lost both her daughters to murder. all in one day. and this is the world we live in. it seriously sounds like a bad movie. i cant get my head around it. this actually happened to someone.

argh...all that is awful enough. just unbelievably awful. but heres the part of the story that REALLY bothered me. during the sexual assault...the rape...the screaming young daughters in the backseat being forced to witness it...during all that horror the woman cried out for help. she cried out to jesus. "jesus...please help me." the murderers response? "jesus isnt here...only satan is here." he finished raping her, shot her multiple times, and then murdered her daughters when they cried out for her.

heres why i hate the news lately. when i read the news i sometimes think..."jesus is not here. only satan is here." what the hell is wrong with humanity?

-THE comeback-

2 games of softball tonight. we lost the 1st...but we played a great game against a really good team and left that loss feeling pretty good. the 2nd game started horribly. i think we were down by at least 10 runs before we even got a chance to bat. i thought after the 1st inning that we would be easily 10-runned in the 5th. BUT, we hung in there, and in the bottom of the 6th we scored 10 runs to tie the game...in the top of the 7th we gave up 8 and again i thought it was over. but we came back and scored 8 runs, all with 2 outs, to tie it up again. the big at bat of the inning? phil kurth. phil comes up with me on 2nd and derek on 1st. 2 outs and we are down 3. phil hits a 3 run homer to tie it. what a huge hit. we finally got the game winning hit in the bottom of the 9th inning. who got it? my uncle rick. hes pushing 50 but he still plays, and apparantly he still has a few huge hits in him. props to rick and to phil, AND to derek for catching all 3 outs in the top of the ninth. 2 good catches...and one GREAT, diving catch that would have been at least a double, probably a triple. i batted 12 times tonight. insane. (3 hours of softball!..im not going to be able to walk tomorrow) i only got out once. so it was a good night at the plate which felt good. 2 homeruns and a whole bunch of other hits. the 2nd game tonight is the highlight of an otherwise brutal fallball season. my guarantee for the night: i will be waking up to some serious leg cramps sometime in the middle of the night. god, i hate those leg cramps.

on a non-softball related note. read this news story. some people arent the brightest bulbs. i give this guy idiot of the month. congrats to you.

-woo hoo for society-

people are so nice. read this.