-twins trade santana-

my favorite squad the minnesota twins traded the best pitcher in baseball johan santana for four prospects today. click here for the full story.

the best pitcher in baseball for four "maybes". ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-so cold. so very cold-

yesterday in katoland it was 50 and sunny. thats pretty nice for a minnesota january day if you ask me. tonight the forecast low is 15 below zero with windchills of at least 40 below zero! ill say it again...40 frickin below frickin zero. there, thats better. (begin sarcasm here)those of you not as educated as myself may be wondering how much of a temperature shift that is for our sensitive human flesh. im going to help you out by using my fail-safe st. peter high school math.(end sarcasm here) 50 - (-40)=90 frickin degrees. it feels 90 degrees colder right now than it did a little over 24 hours ago!!! ARGH is about all i can say to that. frickin ARGH. i need spring and i need it tomorrow.

-R.A.N.-

sometimes i wonder what the heck ole neely beard is talking about. does anyone know what mcneely is talking about?

-it is as it was-

i love this blogging thing. its so nice to be able to just click a link or 2 to look back a year or so to see what i was blabbing on about. the end of 2006 was rough. (as was the beginning of 2007) i posted nothing than. looking back now i wish i would have. i was too worried about saying too much...or rocking the boat. but screw it, it wasnt me who rocked the boat. it was what it was. naming something what it really is shouldnt be something to be scared of. i wish i had the record here of what was going on...what i was feeling...and what i was doing. but i have small talk. comfortable, harmless small talk.

-a passing thought, i hope it lingers-

ive been pretty focused on loss this last year. not without good reason. its just been in my face demanding all my attention. ive had to make a serious effort at times to see the blessings, or to see the potential for good in certain people or situations. when this mess of a year first started i took a weekend away with kleigh and stayed in minneapolis. we went to a twins game. i got in line to buy the cheapest possible seats because i didnt really expect a 2 year old to sit still for 9 innings of baseball. i figured id keep her entertained with hot dogs, ice cream and cotton candy. after standing in line for a minute or 2 i got a tap on my shoulder. i turned around and found a stranger asking me if it was just me and kleigh going to the game. i said yes. he said "here ive got two tickets for you.". i was shocked. i said thank you and he walked away. i looked at the tickets to see what gate we needed to walk to and realized they were expensive tickets. behind home plate. i chased him down and offered to pay him or return them to him. he demanded i take them. turns out he was sitting right next to us. every time kleigh wanted something he demanded that i let him buy it for her. hot dogs. ice cream. cotton candy. she had a blast. a 2 year old sat through 9 innings of baseball!

i love baseball.

my wife had just announced the day before that we were done. i was sleeping in a hotel that night. i would lay awake all night wondering where my life was going and what would become of my marriage...my family...my home. but for 3 hours the kindness of strangers made kleigh smile. and for 3 hours i didnt feel the weight on my back. people are capable of beautiful things. it seems simple to give someone baseball tickets. but that day it was more than a baseball game. it was normalcy in a world that had recently been flipped upside down. and for that i thank whoever it was who gave me those tickets. little things like that help to get through the hard times that seem so huge. little things at certain times are HUGE.

i dont know whats up with me tonight. tonight i see blessings and the potential for good in people and situations. and i feel hope. i love kleigh. ive gone through hell to keep her here. shes worth every tear. every lost night of sleep. i love my mom. shes living with me due to my divorce and her divorce. having her here is a blessing. my friends are great. old ones...and new ones. a new friend gave kleigh a mini golf set. (thanks Sarah) shes running around the kitchen with a club saying "daddy, lets play hockey". and i love it. i love her laughter. i love the pitter patter of little feet. i love being called daddy. i love my family. your support has helped me get through all of this. thank you. tonight i see past the loss. tonight i see what ive gained. and tonight i believe that God can use all this for good. and he will. i may doubt it at times. i may even say its not so at times. but tonight i know it.

my grandma died a year ago today. i miss her. she was grace. she was love. she was a collection of moments that made me believe in the goodness of humanity. she is proof to me that love is more powerful than loss.

-6:16-

its 6:16 in the morning. its 1 degree and windy outside. so it feels really frickin cold. i have to leave for work. i just wanna go back to sleep. how did i end up with a job that requires me getting out of bed before 6 am? i hate leaving when everyone else in the house is snuggled up in a nice warm bed. ok, im done whinning...off to work i go.

-the things we do deserve their rightful names-

i was talking with a friend last night. i shared that this was the 1st year in 10 years that i feel like i didn't enjoy. i said i was upset that the best i could say was that i made it through. my friend shared that he had never had a good year, that every year of his life was something he just survived. this broke my heart. for 2 reasons. first, and far more important, for my friend. i can't imagine only surviving every year of my life, always hoping and praying that things will somehow get better. so my prayer now...is that things get better for my friend. the second heart break was this: i am a wuss. i've had it hard for a year. after 10 great years of blessings, i've had one really hard year. and here i sit feeling sorry for myself. i'm not going to dismiss or downplay what this last year has been or the lingering sadness its caused, but i need to say this. there are many people out there who have endured much, much worse than i have...and theyve done it longer. and theyve complained about it a lot less. and to my shame, they have questioned God a lot less than i have. even after all God has shown me and said to me...i have to admit i have sat here in my own little mess wondering where he went, what hes doing and why he doesnt love me like he used to. because of circumstance. circumstance made by human hands. im not making promises that i will stop, or guaranteeing that today is the beginning of an unshakeable faith. i am only acknowledging that i am, at times, a faithless man, tossed back and forth by each wave that comes. and im sick of it.

i talked to another friend recently. his wife's grandma died. she had a breakdown and left him, the kids and the house. hes in shock. poor kid. i look at him and see myself a year ago. that fresh "oh my god what the @#$% is going" on feeling. why is this happening to so many people i know? the circumstances are too similar...its so scary. he told me things she was doing, things she was saying, lies she was telling, and what he was feeling in the middle of it all. i swear to you i felt like i was having a conversation with myself a year ago. he told me things that i have told other friends word for word. he said that he had a number of friends who were going through a similar situation too. so much pain this last year, for so many people! i asked him why it was happening to so many...he said, "honestly, i think its something in the water." i couldnt argue with him...my theory was that 'they're brain washing us through tv. :) is it something in the spiritual realm that has just come out of nowhere? or is it just part of life? i guess when you get married youre basically flipping on a coin.

anyways...i broke a bit last night. i havent cried in...god, months. ive just been dry. it hit me last night. i just put on my headphones and played the saddest songs i could find and finally, after months, some of it all came out. it felt really good, in a really strange way. ive had to be the strong one nonstop for over a year. it felt good to let myself admit to fear and weakness. and hurt. and i feel, at least for a minute or 2, that i really prayed. just a simple honest prayer. and maybe, just maybe, for a second i felt my faith at least slightly renewed. until the next wave anyway.

-poor green bay-

as a vikings fan, i can honestly say this is the first time i have felt bad for the green bay packers fans. they braved subzero weather to see their squad play and had to sit helplessly and watch the giants kick a game winning field goal in OT. i think you could hear the collective heart break as the ball barely made it over the cross bar. it will be a quiet, quiet night in green bay.

-shopping-

after being cooped up for a couple days i needed to get out today. so i braved the subzero temperatures and drove myself and the kids up to the mall. dylan went and saw a movie with some friends. kleigh and i went and did some shopping and some toy playing. ok, she did most of the playing...i did most of the sitting around. i went to target to pick some ink for my printer. the cartridges run about 60 bucks for both the color and black. 60 bucks! target is selling almost the exact same 3 in one printer that i have for 45 bucks! and that includes new ink! so i can spend 60 on ink or i can spend 45 and get everything new. seems really, really stupid to me. but what do i know? in 2 weeks these cartridges will be empty...and ill go buy a whole new set up, again.

about the toy playing...the river hills mall here in kato town has a really nice play area for kids just outside of scheel's. kleigh loves going there. lately its been a 2 or 3 times a week deal. she gets to play with other kids...and i get to sit on a nice cushy chair and watch her play. its a win-win. today there was a mother there with her 3 kids. and her kids were all hacking up their lungs. they sounded so sick! is that not extremely rude to bring your kids to a public play area when they are that sick? its the second time in a row now that that has happened. just seems like common sense to me...but again, what do i know?

i bought the family guy star wars dvd. sat and watched it. overall i thought it was ok. i expected a lot more. there were some hilarious scenes of course, but for the most part its kind of dull. it felt really rushed and almost uninspired. but like i said, there were some hilarious scenes.

tomorrow...i watch football. sadly im cheering for the packers. favre has won me over.

-sleep-

its 10:15. i should be getting tired and ready for bed. but im not. why not? because i just woke up about an hour ago. my sleep schedule is completely messed up. the kids are in bed. the house is dark and quiet. here i sit passing the time until i start to feel tired. stupid flu. i think im getting better though. the horrible headache has toned down a lot. ive eaten a few times today and everything is staying down...so far. so, hopefully...

i watched bushes speech today on the economy. well, some of it anyway. does he really think putting roughly $800 into peoples hands is going to make any difference in the economy? im not arguing, ill take the $800, but i dont expect the economy to pick up because of it, whether it be short term or long term. when he claims in speeches that the "economy is strong" i can only laugh and think back to the time that he told us the iraq war was won. how long ago was that? if the war was won than, why are we wasting so many human lives over there still today? ole bushy...the president who cried wolf. thank god his recent iran propaganda isnt fooling the public again or we'd have at least twice the mess we have right now. (and $5/gallon gas).

the minnesota twins signed justin morneau to a one year contract. knowing the twins that means they dont want to commit to him long term. once the year is up the twins wont want to pay him and he'll go somewhere else. its the typical minnesota sports story. they start here...we watch them get good...someone else pays them more so they leave. i wish we had an owner who was willing to spend some money. im sick of watching an average team year after year after year. at least i got to see them win the series twice. im just worried that will be it for them.

it is 7 below 0 outside right now. with a windchill of 29 below! the high tomorrow is only supposed to be 3 degrees "warmer" than what it is right now. the high temperature! its going to be a long weekend of sitting around inside. i do not want to go out in this. but i already have cabin fever from being sick...so ill probably have to get out of the house.

-a good quote-

pues cuando ardió la pérdida

reverdecieron sus maizales.

-the flu: day 2-

i got maybe 2 hours of sleep on wednesday night. i was cold, yet sweating and dizzy. i knew i was getting sick. i didnt want to call in sick to work though because i had already missed monday and tuesday due to the funeral. so i decided to just get through the week. so i went in at 6:30 am and did all my paperwork, grabbed my truck and started driving towards new ulm. i made it about 20 miles or so and i had to pull over on the side of the road to...yeah, throw up. woo hoo for the flu and its wonderful surprises. so i turned my truck around and drove 20 miles back to the store and went home. i slept until about 2 pm. when i woke up i found my mom carrying a bucket around the house. same story for her, only worse. today i still feel horrible. im up for a bit now, but will probably go back to bed for a bit here in a minute.

i get bored when im sick. i hate being cooped up in the house. i hate it! to cure my boredom last night i spent some time online...imagine that, i know. my grandma virginias memorial page can now be found at www.grandmavirginia.com . if you enter the old address it will automatically redirect you. grandpa toms can now be found at www.thisisgoodbyefornow.com . same story there, the old address will redirect you to the new one. grandpa tom told his granddaughter nikkol that "this is goodbye for now"...it stuck with me, so i thought it would be an appropriate address for his page.

-why minnesota sucks. chapter 3: the weather-

this is chapter 3 of a "book" i started sometime back in 2006. click here to read chapter one: the vikings. click here to read chapter 2: the twins.

one good thing i will say about this winter in minnesota is that we have finally gotten some real snow again. the last 8 or so years ive had to drive five to six hours north to find real snow to snowboard. this year i can again snowboard right here at good ole mount kato. (with its towering 200 foot elevation).

but this weekend...argh to this weekend. the forecast is calling for a high of 4 below zero. a high of 4 below zero! the over night low is going to be 15 below zero! windchill temps are going to be at least 35 below zero. sunday is supposed to be about the same. 3 weeks ago i went showboarding. it was 45 and sunny. not bad for a minnesota winter. figure in the windchill and this weekend is going to feel like an 80 degree drop! (thats right kids...i did go to college for a little bit). there are plans for snowboarding this saturday. im worried if i go out that certain parts of my body will become new internal organs to keep themselves warm.

-grandpa Tom-

my grandpa Tom Rogers passed away last thursday morning. his funeral was yesterday in Minneapolis. ive started a memorial page for him. it can be found at http://www.grandpatomrogers.blogspot.com/

i also made a new link to the right under links. yeah...there. if you have anything you would like to add please email it to me at pabloeh@iampabloeh.com thanks.

the page is pretty bare right now. but i will be adding posts and pictures as they come in from friends and family.

-top ten albums of 2007-

this is the time of year where other bloggers start rating their top music and movies of 2007. honestly, i have bought less new music this year than i have for a LONG time. i probably spent more on music in one week when i was 20 than i did this entire year. being a single dad kinda cuts down on time and funds. so ive decided to do something different. i am going to rate my top 10 revisited albums of the year. these are albums that were already in my collection and were taken back out and reappreciated in 2007. make sense? for good measure i will say that "chase this light" by jimmy eat world ended up being my favorite 2007 release.

so here they are. the top ten revisted albums...

1)'futures' by jimmy eat world (2004)
2)'mission control' by burning airlines (1999)
3)'war of the worlds' by bad astronaut and armchair martian (2001)
4)'deja entendu' by brand new (2003)
5)'fire in the city of automatons' by no knife (1999)
6)'magnetic 62nd/the south has spolied me' ep by chamberlain (1999)
7)'lost and gone forever' by guster (1999)
8)'liberate te ex inferis' by zao (1999)
9)'bless the martyr and kiss the child' by norma jean (2002)
10)'lets talk about feelings' by lagwagon (1998)

-a break from kato-

i havent had a vacation in...over 2 years. its been so long i cant even remember. all of my vacation for the past 2+ years has gone to court hearings and trainings, both for foster care. this year will start the same. my first vacation days will be used to get kleigh's (soon to be chloe) adoption wrapped up. shes a worthy cause...but i would love to just go sit somewhere other than here for a week or 2. im sick of my job. im sick of my house. im sick of this town. this feeling is probably mainly due to circumstances over the last year. my brain is probably just longing for an escape from the heaviness of it all...but, doesnt a beach vacation sound great right about now? yeah...it kinda does. or a snowboarding trip to utah? yeah...that sounds ok too. all i need is some spare money and some spare time...

oh well. maybe next year.

(or maybe this feeling comes from the fact that there is NOTHING TO DO IN MANKATO!)

-jib jab cartoons-

if you are here looking for the schroeder family jib jab cartoons...never fear they are still here. i moved them so they would be easier to find and so they would take up less space here on this page. you can now find them by clicking here. i also put a link off to the right there...yeah there...schroeder family jib jab i called it. that will also take you there. im gonna leave one here. this seems to be the favorite so far.

Don't send a lame Starring You! eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

-man cousin and monkey man-

andy on the left. ross on the right. entertainment all around.

-no political talk!-

i never talk politics here. none of my 3 regular readers wanna hear it anyway, so why talk it? but with campaigning/election talk getting to the point of annoying, i figure i need to throw out my 2 cents. so here it is.

coming from a christian family and having a lot of christian friends i just expect a lot of people i know to vote based on party...or more specifically on the abortion issue. and heres my 2 cents. "pro-life" should mean more than just anti-abortion. pro-life should not just protect unborn babies, it should also protect the living. bush may call himself pro-life, but how many have been killed in the wars he has chosen to fight? how many children have been killed by u.s. bombs? it just occurs to me too that we could take the money were spending on war and spend it on more important stuff...like food for people who dont have enough to live. seems like billions a month could really come in handy other places.

anyways...my point is this. theres more to being president than an opinion on abortion. if "pro-life bush" had his way i think our maps of the middle east would have to be rewritten. (and the populations reduced.) in my opinion pro-life and war are a contradiction to say the least.

one more thought...bush has been in office for 7 years now. abortion is still legal. and the morning after pill is as easy to get a hold of as aspirin. im done. no more politics, i promise.

-Grandpa Thomas-

Grandpa Thomas Rogers passed away this morning. Please keep the family in prayer. Thanks.

-if your right hand causes you to sin you should...-

...cut it off and throw it in the microwave?..click here for the full story. ive complained about bad days in the past. but never have i saw the mark of the beast in my hand, cut off my hand and thrown it in the microwave. THAT is a bad day.

-music in movies...my 2 favorites-

"wise up" from "magnolia"



"desperado" from "in america"

-news-

my grandpa (marks dad) has been in hospice for a couple weeks. the last couple days he has taken a down turn and they think he only has a matter of days. please keep him (thomas) and the family in prayer through this time. thanks.

-update-

grandma rosie is out of the hospital and in a nursing home. she just isnt getting her strength back on her own so she is going to need some physical therapy. last i heard she will remain there for at least 3 weeks. overall though, she seems to be doing well.

my parents just filed for divorce. strange. but hopefully in the long run its for the best.

on a lighter note my friends got me out snowboarding twice in the last 2 weeks! thanks fred and sarah. twas good times. my legs and butt hurt today...and various other boo hoos.

-she's a cutie-

"my name kleigh. i'm not a boy... ya ya ya yaaaa. la la la yaaaaa."

-2008-

what i want from 2008

to live, not just survive...

to enjoy, not just endure...

to love without fear...

to know and not wonder...

to refind my faith...

-i cant even imagine-

this is one of the saddest local news stories ive read in a long time.... click on the quote below for the full mankato free press story. so sad.


“I woke up into a nightmare,” Lenz said in a report posted on the Minneapolis Star-Tribune online site. “It’s just not fair ... I found my baby in a snowbank. ... He was my pride and joy.”

-pat dummy head robertson-

Last year, Pat Robertson predicted that a terrorist act, possibly involving a nuclear weapon, would result in mass killing in the United States. Noting that it hadn't come to pass, Robertson said, "All I can think is that somehow the people of God prayed and God in his mercy spared us." (taken from FOXNEWS.COM)

or maybe pat, you were wrong and should stop going on tv claiming that you speak for god.

-rosie-

my grandma is still in the hospital after her fall and ambulance ride the other night. she seems to be doing very well but she just isnt getting her strength back. she was also running a high fever. so it looks like she could be having an extended stay and possibly some time in a nursing home for physical therapy. so keep her in your thoughts and prayers if you could. grandpa too. ive never seen the poor guy so stressed out.

kleigh woke me up about a dozen times last night. im so tired. so goodnight to all...im going to take me a long winters nap.

-hate-

i hate computers. im going to throw mine out the window. just wanted you all to know.

switching your blog address from http://www.iampabloeh.blogspot.com/ to http://www.iampabloeh.com/ should not be this complicated! what the hell are advanced DNS settings anyway? MX records? CNAME????!!!!! argh. the fact that this site is working is a minor miracle. its working...and my computer isnt out in a snow bank. not yet anyway. argh i says.

i can only imagine all you web designers out there laughing at me. "oh pablo...youre a damned fool."

-photos-

i added a new link today. its off to the right there...yeah, there. "pictures taken by me." i am not a good photographer so i am not putting these up to show how good i am. its just random pics that dont belong in the pics of me and the family section. so if you're bored, check them out!