foreshadowing part 2

this one hit a little closer to home, and to this day it bugs me. it was a friday. my route on friday takes me up 169 to jordan, mn. theres a guy who works at one of my stops. i dont know him, he doesnt know me. he knows nothing of my family and i know nothing of his. i see him once a week for about 10 minutes..he gives me crap, i give it back. we say have a good weekend. but this friday was different. he walks up to me the second i get out of my truck..he says 'congrats i hear youre going to be a daddy' and shakes my hand. i laugh and say 'where did you hear that'. he gets this confused look on his face..and just finally says 'i dunno'.. i tell him that im not going to be a daddy..he looks confused and says 'where did i hear that from?'. 3 days later mandra tells me shes pregnant.

this bothers me for a few reasons. one..where did this guy get his info?? it was right...but NO ONE knew yet. two..if this info was passed along to him by....something....supernatural then why did mandra miscarry? what good does the foreknowledge of this pregnancy do anyone if the pregnancy is going to end only 2 days after we find out that it even existed? its weird because it made me wonder all weekend what the heck he was talking about and why he looked confused when i said no...and when i asked him where he heard it. so then when mandra told me the news i felt some reassurance that it was meant to be..so instead of waiting to tell people until we were out of the dangerous 3 month period..i told everyone. because i felt that somehow god himself had a hand in this one. turns out he didnt. and now i REALLY wonder why he said what he said.

where is the justice in the world when my wife and i cant have children, but my teenage cousin and mandras teenage sister can?? both of them found out they were pregnant within a week of our miscarriage. they are not married..and not planning on children. i try to keep my faith in god no matter what, but its tough right now. i know god exists. but for the first time in a long time..i really feel like hes just hanging out somewhere, watching. not really caring at all about what goes on in our little lives.. i dont like that feeling...but right now i cant help it. we prayed..people all over the place prayed.. and it did NOTHING. so next time..i dont know if i will be able to get myself to pray.

i am happy for my cousin..and my sister in law. theres no hard feelings or judgements towards them. thats not what this is about. it just seems that life created a tragedy..and then rubbed my face in it twice for good measure.